Still here!

Indiana JonesI’m still here! Crap people, give me a break. I just crawled out from underneath the ruins of an ancient Mayan temple. Those natives are feisty! Don’t EVER take directions from a guy with an eye patch just because he’s the only person speaking English.

Despite what movies like Turistas will try to impress upon you, the locals are generally very kind and helpful. It’s the other Americans that you have to worry about. Just don’t start robbing the graves. I mean seriously people, WTF is up with grave robbing? I’d be pissed too if someone was trying to break in to my great-grandpappy’s tomb and take is afterlife worldly goods.

MacGyverIt should go without saying that people are better off without pants. I can’t count the number of times that they have held me up. Whenever I have to whip off my belt in order to use it as a zip-line handle, they just end up around my ankles. But that’s what I get for buying Ecko jeans four sizes too large. (They look PHAT with my aviators.)

So after converting my pants into a shoulder fired phallace missile, I was able to stop the collapse of yet another fledgling government. Luckily my mullet distracts most people from the fact that I’m not wearing any pants.

Since returning to the states I have only done one thing of note: viewed the latest moving picture show in the Indiana Jones chronicles. While I have to admit a great fondness for the Jones movies, it has been some time since I have see them. This one was a bit more sci-fi that I would have anticipated, but it still made for an entertaining show.

Now it’s time to dust off the bike and get back to work.

douchebag

douchebag

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